Peace

I'm on day 16 now. I am on antabuse and it is really helping me. The mental obession has been lifted becaus if I drink I will be violently ill. Don't want that. So I have been relieved of the obession for now. As always the mental obession gets me. I am living life again. I love it.

Day 3

I made it through last night. Dinner party at my house went great. One person brought alcohol and had 2 drinks. Everyone seemed to have fun. And so did I.

Today will be a challange maybe. I'm alone at home. Was invited to the lake but that will be drinking time so can't do that. Plan to stay home and get some stuff done. Feeling ok so far but it's only 6 AM.

 

Time to try again

Day 2. Trying this again. And again till I get it right. I have to lay low and stay away from friends who are drinking or who will drink with me despite knowing my situation. It's not their responsibility but mine. However I get such mixed messages. Asking me to go and waving the waiter over then texting me the next day about how I have no self control. It's true though. When it comes to alcohol I have no control at all.

Three days alone this weekend. Confused on how to stay busy but praying for strength. I can't hide behind the excuse, I can't bury myself in social activities because I will drink, too much time alone is not good for me...But I have done it before and can do it again. I have non drinking friends, I have my family.

God give me the strength to do this.

time

how time changes things. drinking again. more in control now yet i have that nagging guilt about it. i have an idea of how life should be and work to accomplish that i suppose. the drinks are random bringing relief at times and nothing at time.

109 Days

Ohmygosh...I hadn't realized how long it has been since I blogged. The post title should tell you .... yes I am still sober by the grace of God. Still doing really well and going to AA. Try to go daily but at least 4-5 a week. They really do help if you are considering going I would recommend it. I didn't like them at first but actually look forward to them now.

My mood is usually good. Life is not perfect but so much better than before. I am still very active and social. Spend time with friends and enjoy myself. There have been days when I really want to drink. I push through and don't. Saturday was 105 days. Last year I had 105 days and drank. Saturday was hard for me. The subconsious mind at play is my guess. I was restless and not sure what to do with myself. My friends all seemed busy and I was tempted to drink. Instead I got busy doing some things that I have been needing to do. The cravings passed and I was productive too!

So the longest sobriety time I have had was several years ago and I had almost 6 months. That I expect will prove to be a difficult time but maybe being prepared will help. I am loving life too much to go back to the mess it was before for just a few minutes of ... of what? Oblivion maybe? No thinking? Just the escape of alcohol I guess is what it was. Really though how long does the "good" last? For me not very long. Then it is a nightmare. So it is continuing sobriety for me!!

Fine Saturday Morning

I am so happy to be sober and happy this morning. My outlook on life is 110% better. Not sure if it's the med changes or what but I will take it...

I am socializing without alcohol. Doing different things and looking forward to doing them. And not cancelling. That in itself is amazing. I look forward to life. Just booked a room for an AA conference in April and can't wait. Went to a dinner theater last night. Thinking about a hike today. Beautiful weather. Beautiful life and I'm rocking AA to help me stay this way!!!!

Day 35 - 5 Weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update

Awww so much has happened since I last posted. On February 18 I drank a bottle of wine and took a bottle of klonidin. I had texted my sponsor and she tried to text me back. I said "I can't do this anymore." She called my sister who called 911 and came to my house. I remember little about that night. I spent the night in ICU. From there I went to an acute treatment center for 6 days and then onto a 21 day alcohol treatment facility.

I believe that treatment saved my life. I was able to focus on me and my sobriety without the outside stressors of life. I dealt with all kinds of feelings without alcohol. I wrote a lot and processed what I wrote with a group and a counselor. All this and much more really helped.

The most important thing I did was really surrender my alcohol problem to God. I can't tell you how my outlook has changed. I feel happy, full of hope and belief that I can stay sober. I can socialize without alcohol and I can make my dreams come true.

My plan to do so is through prayer, meditation, AA and therapy. I am 32 days sober.