So I went to see Dr. C. today. I shall share the wisdom of our session as best I can remember it. I caught him up to date on my drinking, my loss of sponsor and my committment to a year of soberiety. He continues to feel I need AA. I haven't been back. I'm not opposed really, and probably will go back. But I still don't see me doing 90 in 90. Dr. C. says that just shows committment to wanting to stay sober. He talked today with me about feelings, awareness of my feelings, and learning to retrain my thinking. Interesting stuff...
Past essentially consists of guilt, shame, regret, and embarrassment. Guilt is not a real feeling. It is self-imposed. No one can make you feel guily but yourself. Guilt is usually brought about by feelings of shame or regret of something you have done.
The future consists of fear, anxiety, and a couple of others I forgot but he said we would review. We are only born with two fears..fear of falling and fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned.
When we answer "I don't know" it's not true, it means we don't want to think about it, we may be blocking it, may just not want to deal with it but really yes, we know.
When we say "I can't" it's not true, it means we won't, won't make the effort, don't want to, or whatever but yes, we can.
Like the 90 in 90, yes I can make it happen somehow...now do I want to go the trouble to make it happen? Not right now, I may find it necessary at some time but right now I am choosing not to do 90 in 90. I am also choosing not to drink, which I think is entirely possible without 90 in 90, maybe I'm wrong but that is what I feel right now.
So I am supposed to try and be aware of my thoughts and try to make them positive rather than negative and try to retrain my thinking. Ok I can try that.
I have been keeping a journal off and on since June 2009. It is a repeated cycle. Last December 17, 2010 I wrote a pledge to surrender drinking. Obviously didn't but AGAIN on December 17, 2011 I did. I read through my journal last night and found that quite interesting. Same place a year later. Hopefully this year turns out differently.
I had a good day again. Here's my list of good stuff I did today (as previously recommended by my sponsor but haven't been doing lately)
1. Didn't drink or smoke
2. Saw Dr. C.
3. Ran 3 miles
4. Spent some time with family
5. Am enjoying an evening with my daughter
6. Tried to stay positive and was mostly successful
Happy Soberiety to everyone!!
Day 4
Past essentially consists of guilt, shame, regret, and embarrassment. Guilt is not a real feeling. It is self-imposed. No one can make you feel guily but yourself. Guilt is usually brought about by feelings of shame or regret of something you have done.
The future consists of fear, anxiety, and a couple of others I forgot but he said we would review. We are only born with two fears..fear of falling and fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned.
When we answer "I don't know" it's not true, it means we don't want to think about it, we may be blocking it, may just not want to deal with it but really yes, we know.
When we say "I can't" it's not true, it means we won't, won't make the effort, don't want to, or whatever but yes, we can.
Like the 90 in 90, yes I can make it happen somehow...now do I want to go the trouble to make it happen? Not right now, I may find it necessary at some time but right now I am choosing not to do 90 in 90. I am also choosing not to drink, which I think is entirely possible without 90 in 90, maybe I'm wrong but that is what I feel right now.
So I am supposed to try and be aware of my thoughts and try to make them positive rather than negative and try to retrain my thinking. Ok I can try that.
I have been keeping a journal off and on since June 2009. It is a repeated cycle. Last December 17, 2010 I wrote a pledge to surrender drinking. Obviously didn't but AGAIN on December 17, 2011 I did. I read through my journal last night and found that quite interesting. Same place a year later. Hopefully this year turns out differently.
I had a good day again. Here's my list of good stuff I did today (as previously recommended by my sponsor but haven't been doing lately)
1. Didn't drink or smoke
2. Saw Dr. C.
3. Ran 3 miles
4. Spent some time with family
5. Am enjoying an evening with my daughter
6. Tried to stay positive and was mostly successful
Happy Soberiety to everyone!!
Day 4
Good for you. You can do what you set your mind on.
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