Relief

That comes from the bottle of wine, or beer, or whatever...is worth risking everything we have to have that feeling? That feeling of being ok, accepted, and content. Are we really ok, accepted or content? Do we have guilt over the manipulation we used to get us to that point of feeling ok, accepted and content?? Is it hurting others when we think it's not? Or is it just hurting ourselves? I don't know me....sober or drunk....I am a mystery to myself. I used to think my ex-boyfriend was mysterious and I liked that about him. Do I like me being mysterious? Am i bored with just me? Am i boring with just me???