Well my anxiety and depression are back somewhat. The depression is not as bad. The anxiety is bad at certain times of the day. Early morning and afternoon and evenings when I'm home. I find this strange because I want to be home.
I love being home but when I get up it's there. I go to work and it's better. Maybe because I'm busy. As soon as I get in the car to drive home I feel it again. I don't know what causes it. I am sober about 52 days I think. Maybe its the time of year. Maybe its the time change. I don't know. Obviously I wish I knew so I could do something about it.
In the meantime I am just trying to do as little as possible in the way of stressful things. I do what has to be done at home and try to relax. I am doing meditation. I need to do yoga again and exercise. I feel these would probably help but I'm not doing them.
Why don't I make myself do them? That's where the depression comes in. I find it hard to do much of anything when I'm depressed. All small tasks seem overwhelming to consider doing. Including simply showering, doing laundry, and anything else. I am filled with a sense of dread when thinking of these actions. I make myself do them because they have to be done. And when they are over it's not so bad. But the feeling in my stomach is hard, the knot, the fear, the anxiety is intense. Such is my life today.
But this too shall pass.
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