3 weeks ago today I had my last drink. I started early, about one, had 3 beers, took a nap, met a friend at a resturant, had 2 margaritas and a beer, went to a friends house, 2 more beers, we called a cab and went out. I lost count after that. We went to a local hangout, then down the street to a bar, very fuzzy but a bouncer asked me to leave and off I went in a cab home. I don't know why I was asked to leave. I've had more dangerous nights, I guess I had fun, really don't remember much. The next day I decided it was a waste of time, all this drinking. So I resolved, again, to stop. But for a year. Then re-evaluate. I have had a couple of hard days. But not too many. I have battled depression. I have had these muscle twitches for over a week now. Just feel numb. Today I was told the naltrexone could be causing it so I'm considering quitting it. I hate this numb, twitchy feeling. It's yuck and no fun. So will I have more cravings if I stop it? I don't know. I think it's worth a try because with this feeling I don't feel like doing anything. I want to feel happy, full of life, etc. So I think I will try stopping it and see if that helps.
Yesterday I had 2 men, both with girlfriends, try to get me to hook up, have phone sex, send them pics, etc. One is an ex. The other I have a history with as well. They both have girlfriends now, self proclaimed, in a relationship on facebook. Why do men do this? Do they get bored or what? I told them both no. I don't mess around with other girls boyfriends, not nice and bad karma. But it made me think. Is it me? Do they hit on others too? Why do they think I would do that even if they are "in a relationship"? I don't trust men anyway and they only reinforced that feeling. If I was to ever date either again I wouldn't trust them to be faithful. I mean, if they try it with me they will try it with someone else eventually. But I wouldn't have thought one would do that. So who is to say that any man will be faithful? And are the women they are with doing the same thing? Do they suspect their man is trying to be with someone else? Love is crazy and confusing and scary.
Anyway, it's Friday night and I'm home. It's been a long 3 weeks, here's to another 49 weeks of sobriety. (At which point I believe I will not want to go back to drinking but it makes me feel better to have a re-evalutation point.)
Day 21
Yesterday I had 2 men, both with girlfriends, try to get me to hook up, have phone sex, send them pics, etc. One is an ex. The other I have a history with as well. They both have girlfriends now, self proclaimed, in a relationship on facebook. Why do men do this? Do they get bored or what? I told them both no. I don't mess around with other girls boyfriends, not nice and bad karma. But it made me think. Is it me? Do they hit on others too? Why do they think I would do that even if they are "in a relationship"? I don't trust men anyway and they only reinforced that feeling. If I was to ever date either again I wouldn't trust them to be faithful. I mean, if they try it with me they will try it with someone else eventually. But I wouldn't have thought one would do that. So who is to say that any man will be faithful? And are the women they are with doing the same thing? Do they suspect their man is trying to be with someone else? Love is crazy and confusing and scary.
Anyway, it's Friday night and I'm home. It's been a long 3 weeks, here's to another 49 weeks of sobriety. (At which point I believe I will not want to go back to drinking but it makes me feel better to have a re-evalutation point.)
Day 21
Congratulations on getting to 3 weeks!
ReplyDeleteI have 51 weeks (I think) to one year of sobriety - we can do it! :-)
ReplyDelete