Day 3

Well turns out I was not able to attend the event without drinking. I thought I could. I thought I could dress up in my costume, do the run part, socialize briefly and leave. Problem is the ran ended at the party part and where as of course I could have left I didn't. I proceeded to get drunk.

So back to the beginning which I seem to have difficulty getting past. I cried during my Monday meeting and talked to some members after. I talked with my sponsor who was very sweet but says she will have to drop me if I relapse again. I can understand but don't want to lose her. She asked me to go to 90 in 90 which used to seem impossble but not so much now. Two meetings in particular, one on my running group night, she wanted me to be willing to make the meeting unstead. So ok, I will run another night.

I may have some fun while drinking but the next few days are hell. I feel sick, sad, shameful, regretful, depressed and tearful. It's not worth it.

My sponsor asks me each time....are you willing to go to any measures to get sober? I say yes. This time I really mean it. I can't continue this life. I won't continue this life. God has plans for me and being drunk is not the plan. It will be hard but I pray I can do it this time.....

Day 3