Some days that seems to be all, just here. Nothing really bad, just a sense of depression and yuck. I felt like that today. I worked, ran, went to my meeting...all the things I was "supposed " to.
My mind was slightly crazy. Early this morning before work, Trixie, my alcoholic part of my brain was talking to me. Why not stay home today, get drunk, tell everyone you are sick, send daughter to grandparents so she won't "catch" it, and we can just have a big ole party all by ourselves? Only a sick mind would even consider this right?
I'm also about to be on vacation from work, not going anywhere, just some time off. So Trixie starts plotting a good night to really get drunk and "celebrate" vacation. Not this day because of that, not that day because of this, not that day cause I have that early morning thing...so how about that day?? Crazy stuff.
It scares me because I don't want to relapse again and start over. I'm trying so hard to do all the right things but I'm afraid I'll eff it up again. The thoughts are so convincing at times that I just give in and I don't want to this time. I have to take the right action when overcome with cravings.
I try to remember that in general I'm much happier sober, I do more stuff, hike, run, etc. But days like today when it's not great Trixie talks. I will not give up my sobriety so shut up Trixie. You are a big, fat liar and I don't want to be your friend anymore!!!
Day 24
My mind was slightly crazy. Early this morning before work, Trixie, my alcoholic part of my brain was talking to me. Why not stay home today, get drunk, tell everyone you are sick, send daughter to grandparents so she won't "catch" it, and we can just have a big ole party all by ourselves? Only a sick mind would even consider this right?
I'm also about to be on vacation from work, not going anywhere, just some time off. So Trixie starts plotting a good night to really get drunk and "celebrate" vacation. Not this day because of that, not that day because of this, not that day cause I have that early morning thing...so how about that day?? Crazy stuff.
It scares me because I don't want to relapse again and start over. I'm trying so hard to do all the right things but I'm afraid I'll eff it up again. The thoughts are so convincing at times that I just give in and I don't want to this time. I have to take the right action when overcome with cravings.
I try to remember that in general I'm much happier sober, I do more stuff, hike, run, etc. But days like today when it's not great Trixie talks. I will not give up my sobriety so shut up Trixie. You are a big, fat liar and I don't want to be your friend anymore!!!
Day 24
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