Actually I have not drank on new year's eve numerous times. It isn't safe to be out and about and I have stayed home over the past few years. Since 2008 I have written a reflection of my year month by month and my goals for the new year. Of course they all involved alcohol. The good, the bad and the goals. I drank this month, I didn't drink this month. Depression has also been a very noticable problem. Felt depressed, felt ok. Some months I just draw a blank about how it was. I can remember if I was drinking or not usually. But not always a lot of details. Unless maybe I think harder and really try to remember. I think I will do that.
So as I read and wrote this year I saw no changes. The same problems over and over. Alcohol. Depression. Related? I don't know, but I do know alcohol makes the depression worse. I wrote last December 17 my surrender to alcohol. That lasted until early January. I did have 105 days of sobriety in 2011. I can't recall alot of details about that time off the top of my head.
I wrote only one goal for 2012: Stay sober, if I can do this the rest will fall into place.
I am at home alone but feeling ok. Not really down today. Thank you God. Somewhat thinking about alcohol but knowing it's not the answer. I can't keep the cycle going and waste another year. I'm obviously not happy drinking so time to try and be happy without drinking. It's hard. It's a change. I don't like change much.
I had a few invitations for tonight. Some included alcohol. One didn't. I'm not attending the alcohol related events for sure. The non-alcohol event? I don't know. I'm pretty comfy here at home....
Day 15
So as I read and wrote this year I saw no changes. The same problems over and over. Alcohol. Depression. Related? I don't know, but I do know alcohol makes the depression worse. I wrote last December 17 my surrender to alcohol. That lasted until early January. I did have 105 days of sobriety in 2011. I can't recall alot of details about that time off the top of my head.
I wrote only one goal for 2012: Stay sober, if I can do this the rest will fall into place.
I am at home alone but feeling ok. Not really down today. Thank you God. Somewhat thinking about alcohol but knowing it's not the answer. I can't keep the cycle going and waste another year. I'm obviously not happy drinking so time to try and be happy without drinking. It's hard. It's a change. I don't like change much.
I had a few invitations for tonight. Some included alcohol. One didn't. I'm not attending the alcohol related events for sure. The non-alcohol event? I don't know. I'm pretty comfy here at home....
Day 15
Yeah, I'm home too. Roads are dangerous tonight and it's such a drinking occasion. No point. I actually didn't care for New Year's Eve when I was drinking. Amateur night!
ReplyDeleteAm home as well as I got sicky, so been curled up in sofa in front of the tv all day and night. And actually feeling happy, relaxed and content :))
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, I wish you all the best for 2012!