So I have managed to go to work Tuesday and today. I had planned to do my personal training today but had to go take an unexpected final instead. I think school is finally over for the semester and 2 days left till vacation for 2 weeks.
I talked with my sponsor last night who says unless I will committ to 90 in 90 she won't continue to sponsor me. Something about enabling me which I didn't really get but wasn't really surprised she wasn't going to continue to sponsor me. So my question is do I keep going to AA? It's not that I am personally against 90 in 90 I just don't see it being really possible. I was slipping away from work for about 30 mins to go to daily meeting but some things have come up and I can't do that anymore so that leaves out the 8:00 am and noon meetings. We have evening meetings but I can't leave my daughter every freaking night. I think I will just do as many as I can and see about getting another sponsor. Maybe it's for the best anyway.
I post on a board about my situation also and when I posted about this incident I got some pretty harsh replies. Not that they aren't true but harsh. Sick chick I was called and well, yeah, sick chick pretty much sums it up. Others saying I know what to do but don't do it. True but easier said than done for me. I'm doing the best I can do right now. I put phone numbers in my phone and pray I will have the sense to call before I drink. I really do want to be sober. Sometimes it just seems impossible...but it can't be.
I go back Friday to the psychologist. I better start a journal and find that AA workbook. Lol...
Somedays I just want to be locked in a padded room and given plenty of meds to let me sleep for a long, long, time and wake up cured. Guess that won't be happening though....
I talked with my sponsor last night who says unless I will committ to 90 in 90 she won't continue to sponsor me. Something about enabling me which I didn't really get but wasn't really surprised she wasn't going to continue to sponsor me. So my question is do I keep going to AA? It's not that I am personally against 90 in 90 I just don't see it being really possible. I was slipping away from work for about 30 mins to go to daily meeting but some things have come up and I can't do that anymore so that leaves out the 8:00 am and noon meetings. We have evening meetings but I can't leave my daughter every freaking night. I think I will just do as many as I can and see about getting another sponsor. Maybe it's for the best anyway.
I post on a board about my situation also and when I posted about this incident I got some pretty harsh replies. Not that they aren't true but harsh. Sick chick I was called and well, yeah, sick chick pretty much sums it up. Others saying I know what to do but don't do it. True but easier said than done for me. I'm doing the best I can do right now. I put phone numbers in my phone and pray I will have the sense to call before I drink. I really do want to be sober. Sometimes it just seems impossible...but it can't be.
I go back Friday to the psychologist. I better start a journal and find that AA workbook. Lol...
Somedays I just want to be locked in a padded room and given plenty of meds to let me sleep for a long, long, time and wake up cured. Guess that won't be happening though....
There is no cure for what we have. A open mind and a open heart to start with may help you to truly do step one. I had to know that I could not drink anymore in my head, heart and the big kicker was I really did not want to. Before I could quit for good. I came the first time to save my marriage I lasted three months.when I came back a week later was just for me. I didn't want wake up and like that anymore, thanks to my HP and AA and three great sponsor I now have three and a half years. You can do it to if you want to. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep coming back.
ReplyDeleteHope, I know what you mean. My life is so crazy I can't figure out how to find times to go to meetings hardly at all, let alone every day!! I understand the importance of it, but sometimes it feels like just that much more guilt. Yet one more person that is disappointed in me.
ReplyDeleteUgh....don't they know that I'm a perfectionist alcoholic?!?
Still, it's no excuse. We both need to put our sobriety first....I just haven't figured out how to do that by including meetings.
I appreciate that in some sober quarters it can be akin to treason, but, in all honesty, you can still stay sober and work through a self-improvement program outside of the cloisters of AA.
ReplyDeleteThere, said it.
For me AA is there in the background as one of the pillars of wisdom, but it is not the only one. And by saying this it does not mean I am some radical by any means.
So make use of whatever resources you need, and feel confident you can bend the strict tenets to suit you and your life.
As the Buddha said blah blah blah do it your way blah blah blah.
Awwww thank you Bwendo...I also believe you can stay sober and work through a self-improvement program outside of AA. I think AA is a great program but think we all have our own needs and ways of getting sober. Thanks!!!!
ReplyDelete